Once the reality sets in, and the initial thrill passed, then I was washed with so much guilt and bad feeling... The person said to me "It is usually bad news when a student does not finish."
I said it's oil on water, that I didn't even choose to attend here; I did so as a matter of some fake personal "obligation." I don't think I was ever enthusiastic about school. Consciously I admit, I have a history of being a quitter...But I also have a history of following through.
I donno. I don't consider it quitting so much as sort of waking up... but I still feel drowsy.
Then I packed my room and rolled it to my car "the walk of doom," because everyone was passing by and watching the failure, and I turned my key in to the front desk.
"Why are you leaving this place?"
"It's just not for me."
But......... is this a valid comment? Or am I just a lazy, rebellious *F* They said everyone has similar feelings, they just train themselves to change... and her eyes said "another one bites the dust"
Well......... F, I just want to work without any of this political bull clogging my pen, I just want to do it.................. I wish it just didn't have this stigma, I wish they brainwashed me to think only in terms of tangible success and happily pursue business or medical surgery..... F me and this upper-class guilt, and F the judgmental strangers giving me weird looks, no consolation in anything
|
|
