Maybe you need to fall, hit hard, see what it feels like,...... see another side, so you'll know what you are giving up, ......, then return perhaps,....... OR NOT.
Logic is not the guide here. Your feelings have already (and DECISIVELY) started to plot a new course, even though you might not see any destination yet.
Keep your head and a sense of good humor. Flow with it. Your power is YOU. What qualities of you can you transfer to ANY SITUATION. Then those qualities are your essence that defines you, NO MATTER WHAT --- dishwasher, artist, whatever.
I bet you this: If you spent some hours of the day working a real-world job, then you'd find time and an unstoppable necessity to do some art. You would not sit at a blank canvas wondering what to paint from lack of the world impressing upon you; you would have the world pressing on you to squeeze something from you without having to find it.
You've got it too easy. And now you're feeling guilty because you've got it too easy. Oh, wowa's me, boo hoo, waa waa, look at me - affluent little American (I'm American, by the way) - so affluent and well-off that you have the luxury of being able to worry about being an artist or not, while there are people in other parts of the world or in the streets with REAL problems and no cushions of medications and therapists and options.
Think about THAT.
Tough love again, ........ sorry.
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