There are numerious promblems with it in my opinion (I have to say opinion as a result of when I first joined the forum)
first, I haven't a clue as to what the poem is about, I think I'm fairly onpoint about stuff like this, but this, I'm still guessing.
There seems to be a lot of color desciptive words, almost to many, and not balanced with the other words it's between 1/4 and 1/2 of color descirtive words to nondesciptive words for the first two stanzas.
You focused on a room, than focused on a cat, then a car, then a face in the carpet or blood, which may be the reason why it's unintended red, this leads the reader jumping around, and not very clear as to any certain thing.
It's better to focus on one thing or instance, so the reader can feel like thier in the thick of it.
You may not realize this because of the last three stanzas,
as the door
clicks
unquietly
closed.
which goes together really good, and gives a good closing. And the best part of the poem. But if read without those lines you may get a feeling of what I'm talking about.
well that's enough free advice from me for now, if you want more than just ask.
"dd"-bent
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